The Uncertainty of Living in Relationship

I recently spent some rich time with colleagues, who are also dear friends, leaning into some work about ‘what the Haven does.’ Along the way the fact that we (as an organization) value ‘living in uncertainty’ came up.

Today I am reflecting that this is exactly where I am right now: living in uncertainty.  

Being a long time ‘control freak,’ living in uncertainty has rarely been my idea of fun! In uncertainty I am very vulnerable. However, this comes through challenging myself and taking risks, which certainly keeps me alive and vital—definitely something I want.

My current risk is stepping into a new relationship.

I notice a fluttering in my belly as I write that. I am excited. And… in the newness and ‘no guarantee how to do this right,’ I am anxious too. (My body is a wise part of me—good to pay attention to it!)

Perhaps the most striking part of ‘uncertainty’ that this new relationship presents is that we are both clear: there are no rules or right ways, and certainly no guarantees. This is a unique time in both of our lives. Each of us is on a new path, mine being my life after the death of my beloved husband Ernie three years ago. 

So as we are getting to know each other, we are determined to each be true to who we are, and discover what relating can be like for us, one-step-at-a-time. 

The good news is that, while exploring with great curiosity and depth, we are having a lot of fun and much laughter. Yes, romance—the start of a new relationship—is delicious and full of the unknown, which makes the adventure all the more exciting! Having said that, I am pleased to say that we have already managed to hang in through two impactful ‘bumps’ with kindness and honesty. Yes, things are far from dull…and I am certainly learning! Life is good.

As I pause, I am aware that many others are walking the path of new relating. I believe that one of the best ways to learn and grow is to share stories and insights with each other. I invite you to chime in on ‘uncertainty’ and any other stories of how you are experiencing this journey. I would love to hear from you.

Comments/questions/stories can be sent to me via and I will respond in due course. 

Thank you!

With loving and uncertainty…



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