Carole Ames, a long-time Haven Core Faculty Member, has co-authored a book which launches May 18th. The book is titled THE MIRACLE MINDSET, and Carole’s chapter (The Quantum Laugh) is about her evolving relationship with humour. In the article below she talks about why she decided to write this story. It is very much a Haven journey of discovery, learning, integration and transformation. Those familiar with Haven models will recognize the framework of the Selves Model in her story – including her eventual arrival at a place of occasional self-acceptance! After 30+ years in Haven circles, her story shows how her sense of humour has emerged to be a vital part of her way of being.
Jock McKeen, co-founder of The Haven, writes:
“Carole’s sharing of her early life context set the tone for me in seeing her perspective on laughter and humour. Her candour invited me as the reader to open up into my own inner reflections about my life patterns. I found the experience fruitful. I agree with Carole that we all can do with more laughter and humour. She has been exemplary in converting an early established defence into a valuable asset to share with others. She describes this process ably in this book. Carole’s frankness in her writing invites the reader into a thoughtful inner reflection that can be very helpful to a similarly brave soul willing to do some inner work.”Jock McKeen
Carole’s humour workshop, Getting Unstuck: The Alchemy of Humour, will be offered again in person this fall Sept 15-18, 2022 at The Haven on Gabriola Island in BC, Canada. For more information or to register, please click here.
WHY I WROTE MY STORY
THE QUANTUM LAUGH
I’ve been shy. I didn’t know if my story mattered to anyone other than me. I had no idea how to tell my story anyway. So I froze like the proverbial “deer in the headlights” when my friend Diane Lund invited me to join the collaborators for this book. I even managed to forget the deadline and let it slip past me.
Fortunately I came to my senses! And it was not too late. I realized that it was time to speak up, both to acknowledge myself and to potentially inspire others.
I knew I could write reasonably well. And that I know how to teach, support and guide. The issue was the value I placed on myself, and on humour. You see it took me years to come to know that I am not broken, or incomplete, or flawed. Instead I now think of myself as okay. And woven in with acceptance of myself is appreciation for my sense of humour. I have discovered a pride in my sense of humour, and understand that humour can be healing and transformative. I’m like a zebra who spent the first half of its life hiding its stripes, only to discover that its bold and dramatic stripes were a valuable asset, admired and even copied. Such freedom!
I had a second bout of shyness when I realized that my story might be quite different than others in this book. Instead of writing about life and death, or health, or relationships, I was writing about laughter. Why would anyone think this was a miracle…and down my rabbit hole of insecurity I went.
Of course I made it back out of that rabbit hole, and I’m relieved to be part of this book. I believe that folks yearn to be at ease with themselves, and to matter. That is what I’ve learned, and what I share in my story. And I believe that my experience, although different from yours, is not special. We are all capable of choosing a different path, interpreting our situation differently, taking some risk in order to experience connection and intimacy. That is what I have done through embracing my humour, and I have found ways to integrate it in my personal relationships as well as work.
I want the reader to be inspired to honestly look at what they know about themselves, and see if they can find their way clear to believe that they are okay, with all their flaws, assets and idiosyncrasies. That is the miracle!
I’ve already mentioned deer, zebras and rabbits, so I’ll round things out with one more animal. In working with teams we often talk about “naming the elephant in the room”. In other words, what is the big issue or challenging person that no one is mentioning? I have decided that elephants, although somewhat obstructive when ignored, are absolutely fabulous when acknowledged and valued. So I encourage you to find your inner elephant, even if it’s pink, and let it shine!