By Libo Ma
Libo Ma is the first person from China to receive a bursary to attend a program at The Haven – Living Alive Phase I in 2010.
It’s very lucky for me to have this wonderful trip in 2010 and I told my friends that institute should be called “Heaven” actually. I am sure this spiritual adventure will impact me till the end of my life and actually I have already changed a lot from the 22–day course. As the proverb goes in China, “A man should be thoughtful at the age of thirty”, Haven helped me build up a homestead of my heart and soul which is the most valuable gift for my 30th birthday.
There was so much wonderful time I spent with teachers, classmates and staff in Haven. I learned how to get along with myself, with the other people and with the nature. I explored a new world in my heart, found the life purpose and enjoyed the relationship garden.
I still remember my new name “GE” (Good Enough) made by other classmates (now we are close friends). This name addressed the new definition of my life that reminds me of self-acceptance and self-compassion often. I cherish it as a treasure and I believe that a contented mind is a perpetual feast.
I still remember that my little girl’s dream came true as a Princess in one of the exercises; I hold the ballroom dance and began my first Waltz with my count under so many attentions. I felt so nervous and forgot the dance steps. So funny! After that I found the confident voice of Princess and “Worthy” meaning; now I am using it to keep my boundary and even to communicate with business partner.
I still remember that my body first wakened up in Haven. After the tough time, I opened my eyes and saw tears on teacher and assistant’s face and they said “This is for you, for Libo”. I felt I was on the top of world and it was the happiest moment in my 30 years. I learned to totally accept my body and “Heaven” part within it. I try to stay with my body harmoniously in the respectful mind.
I still remember my first “blubber” in the evening session. I realized my model is to blame others under pressure and at the same time I was so scared of being blamed. Now I am clearer and I can discuss this part with my friends and even colleagues.
I still remember that I felt extremely hungry in one practice. Ha-ha – In my mind it is very horrible to spent the whole night alone in the darkness. After 2 days’ course I found I could make it. It’s so exciting! I still felt lonely but I could stay with the loneliness and accept it. I also got more connection with the nature, to be part of nature and to interact with nature.
I still remember that I was so embarrassed when I put the powder into clothes drying machine. I ran to reception for help and I said “I am so stupid to make this mistake”. A gardener happened to hear it and came to tell me honestly, “Don’t use stupid and remember self-compassion”. I felt like the warm spring flowing into my heart and I understood the real Haven’s spirit at that moment.
I am always puzzled the purpose that I am living in the world and I asked this question to many people, still can’t get an answer. After some exercises I suddenly come to realize the truth: my living purpose is just for experiencing, experiencing everything that I can experience. I have already known my destination and just hesitate to start my journey.
I feel very touched to write down these words. I will keep the fantastic memory and learning in the softest part of my heart for ever.
Great gratitude to Haven, to all people who have ever helped me!