Why Personal Growth is Great for Your Sex Life

By Dr Gayle Friend. Gayle is a sexologist, educator, coach, and speaker, who recently took Come Alive at The Haven. This article was originally published on Gayle’s own website,

I’m a big believer in being authentic. And that means having the courage to look at yourself with radical honesty and challenge your thoughts and beliefs. A couple weeks ago I attended a 5 day retreat at The Haven. It was time again to immerse myself in experiential learning and self-realizations. I fully expected to rediscover parts of myself in a safe and nurturing environment – which I did! The bonus was that it confirmed my belief that personal growth is great for your sex life.

I’m the type of person who’s never quite satisfied with myself and am always curious about the world around me. As human beings we are in a constant state of flux. Life happens all around us and we’re affected by people and situations. Some good, some not-so-good. It doesn’t really matter what happens to us or around us so much, as how stand in the face of it. How authentic can we be?

I’d been feeling off balance before my retreat and subsequent burst of personal growth. And during that time of feeling off balance I also felt somewhat disconnected from myself. How on earth can anyone be connected to another if there’s any sense of disconnection within themself? That was the impetus for me attending the retreat.

Disconnection is the exact opposite of intimacy. And for me, if there’s any level of disconnection with myself or my partner, sex isn’t as great because it feels like something’s missing.

Since I returned from this amazing time of nurturing and discovering, my sex life has reached new heights. And that’s saying a lot because I was enjoying great sex before I went; but now – wow!

So yes, personal growth is great for your sex life and it’s also true that personal growth as it relates to sex and sexuality is also essential for great sex!

At the retreat of 23 attendees and 6 facilitators we dug deep into ourselves to the level that we were comfortable. There was no obligation to do anything but we were always invited. The energy was warm, safe and secure; even in the midst of some intense struggles.

The range of ages was from 20 to 79 and while the personal stories were as varied as the age range the underlying reasons for being there were remarkably the same. A desire to release thoughts, beliefs and habits that no longer serve us and to embrace the beauty of who we truly are. It’s part of the human condition to desire something more.

Through the process of releasing and rediscovering myself, I developed a deeper intimacy with me; which is affecting every other aspect of my life. The more you release old ‘stuff’ and embrace yourself, the more free you are to enjoy everything in life at a new level. And did I mention that my sex life has reached new heights? Sorry, but I had to get that in here one more time.

Life will constantly do it’s best to overwhelm us, especially in our society that demands so much on a constant basis. And when we become overwhelmed we tend to disconnect, subtly or overtly, in order to self-preserve. This is why personal growth is great for your sex life. Get back to you and get back to great sex.

Live a happy, sexy life!

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